A collection of the most horrifying, confusing, and disappointing accounts of the beast with two backs.
I suppose I ought to open by saying that I am not ticklish. The areas in which people are typically ticklish, however, are quite sensitive; this makes them notable erogenous ones. In particular, I enjoy having my hips dug into— fingers sliding under and around my iliac crest; bruising the muscle. The rougher the better.
It was during one such occasion when this event occurred. I was on top of my partner, barely managing any consistent rhythm due to my writhing and whinging from the sensations of those sweet, strong fingers grinding my pelvis. Things were off to a very good start.
Except then things changed.
‘Get your hands off of me I think you just seriously injured something.’
I slid off of his cock, muttering a mantra of ‘nope nope nope’. As this is unusual behavior for me, my partner was immediately concerned.
‘Are you okay? Turn on the lamp.’
I stood up to do so— and promptly collapsed onto the floor. I blacked out.
My partner picked me up from the floor and carried me back into bed. We talked out the pain and resumed sex with no further issues.
Issues, however, reappeared a few days later, in the form of intense pelvic pain. I couldn’t masturbate; I couldn’t go to the washroom; I could barely sit down. Being the vaguely responsible girl I am, I made an appointment at my clinic, where they referred me for a pelvic ultrasound.
Eventually, the pain subsided, and I had almost forgotten about the ultrasound. I received a call from my clinic.
‘Everything is okay now, but it looks like you recently had a rather violent rupturing of an ovarian cyst.’
tl;dr I had sex so great my ovaries exploded
Mine was about three days. I was, well, very intoxicated when the event occurred, so I didn’t really understand what had happened. I do recall my partner getting another condom, but I just didn’t realise that ‘oh, the previous one is in there somewhere’
Until I was masturbating, three days later, and something felt funny…
Had sex with a guy in the back of his car, which actually went surprisingly well. Then we were going to put our clothes back on and panicked because we thought we saw a cop, so we drove away in just our underwear.
it was great when we pulled up to a stoplight and the car next to us turned and stared.
(Anon if possible kthx)
1. If it isn’t relevant to the story, don’t include it.
2. Try to keep things relatively legal. If drug use influenced your experience in a relevant way, that is acceptable but please avoid mentioning things like rape, paedophilia, intentional bestiality, et cetera. Keep your head on.
3. No hate. We’re here to read entertaining stories, not find out how much of an ass your ex was. In the words of Wil Wheaton: don’t be a dick.
4. Don’t brag. It makes those of us consistently having awful sex feel really jealous.
5. Sex with partners and solo sex are perfectly fine, but avoid posting about sexual dreams or fantasies.
If you think I’ve missed anything, feel free to drop us a line.
Back in the day, there was a LiveJournal community called bad_sex. It is no longer active, but I spent many an hour scrolling through horror stories, vowing to never, ever let myself end up in those situations. It was very educational.
And so, in the same spirit, I created this Tumblr blog with the intention of having it serve the same purpose: as an account of the worst sexual experiences of its submitters; those scenarios you wish you’d never gotten into— but at least you got a great story out of it.
And I hope you join me, and make your own submissions, on what I should hope will be a horrifying and entertaining roller coaster.
Tumblr, show me your worst.